When I was in high school, I seriously thought that when I'll get into the Uni of my choice, to the field choice and study the subject of my choice, school will be interesting and fun. I thought that the mandatory and boring subjects of high school were what made it tedious. Now I'm finding out that maybe I'm just not cut out for studying, period. I'm a quick reader, a quick writer and when it comes to picking up a good novel or whipping up some poetry or short story, I usually am pretty good at it. But school books? School essays? Even when the subject is what I chose and what I find most interesting? Yeah... not all that I thought it would be.
For example, right now I should be writing an essay about Kuopio RockCock
- how well it was arranged, what were the performers like, the marketing and what I thought about it... Well, basically, as I study the field, an "if it were me, this is what I would have done better" -essay at heart. Two to four pages, a no brainer really, as I've written more even about our student organization's cottage party (got an A from it, by the way). It's easy enough to talk about what I want to write and what I want to say, but when the blank word document stares back at me and nags to me about being formal, nothing comes out. Everything sounds stupid and bland and I even if I manage to write long enough, it bothers me to think that I actually am the person responsible for writing such a tedious thing. Even when it's what I'm supposed to do and even if only my teacher will read it, it still bothers me.
...And considering how much bigger problems people have, comparing my idiotic problem to those makes me feel even more depressed. Especially since my student income is dependable on those tedious essays I'm completely able to produce but just am too, I don't know, anxious and stupidly overconcious? about. You'd think that if nothing else, the threat of having to pay back money to the goverment for not proceeding enough in your studies would make one's pen sing like a bird on LSD. And I am too broke to do that, even if not completely broke thanks to some recent development I'll maybe mention later.
Well, time to get back to writing another tedious essay, I suppose.
So, I have some schoolwork to do. Some meaning quite a bit, and until the 10th to complete them. Yes, it's that time of the year - autumn. And school never gets any more fun.